Coffee Talk: A Day in the Life
I listened to a woman from Mars Hill Church in Seattle doing a message on “Soul Talk v. Self Talk” the other day. I was really convicted this week that often when I’m having coffee dates with my friends, hitting the range of discipling scenarios: formal, informal, group or just a catch up, I love to steer the conversation back to me. There’s the strategy, “oh yeah, I know what you feel. That happened to me when…” which is much more obvious. But then there are the more subtle ways that I like to draw the attention away from myself and then become a hero to the friend. ‘Let me fix you’ my words suggest. I learned a long time ago to veer from advice-giving, and lean into question-asking as a technique to really hear the other person. But then, I quickly go in my head analyzing the situation…what wounds does she have as a child, which actually distracts me from my friend rather than actually loving him/her. And when I ask the question, ‘am I blessing this person?’ I can walk away believing ‘yes’ but I’m getting more and more convinced that the answer is frequently ‘no’. I am putting myself as the answer to all their problems rather than Jesus!
This week I have had two really good conversations where I KNOW the Spirit was directing me. I prayed for my friends as I heard them talk, asking God what would YOU have me say to this person? How can I demonstrate your love for my friend and help recenter both of our lives on YOU, rather that what I can do for the person. One of the jewels of wisdom in the talk I listened to, and also one I have heard at different points of my apprenticeship year is this: ‘what would it look like for this person to be completely wrapped up and in love with Jesus alone?’ and that means that we have to have our imaginations increased. What would a fully redeemed, passionate and free woman look like in the person of ___? (because we are all created differently, which is another reason to believe that person x may not be designed exactly me!)
And that of course leads me to the question- what would MY life look life if I was totally resting in Jesus’s love? If I saw Him alone as the source of identity and Truth? One answer is that I wouldn’t need other people to think, wow, Rebecca is such a great friend. And I would long for others to be caught up in the good news of Jesus and his resurrection which invites us into full life!! It’s a much bigger story than the one my life and my conversations seem to be telling at present. And that one is much more beautiful and exciting.
And it’s all part of my job- I think I have the best job in the world!!
Becca Giles is from Charlottesville, VA and graduated from UVA ‘06. She participated in the summer internship ‘05-06 and moved to Ireland in May 2007 and is finishing her second year of the apprenticeship, through August 2009.
What Happens in the Missionary Apprenticeship Program?
Post-Apprenticeship Reflections by Becca Shirley
“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live; and I will make with you an everlasting covenant, my steadfast, sure love for David. Behold, I made him a witness to the peoples, a leader and commander for the peoples. Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know, and a nation that did not know you shall run to you, because of the Lord your God, and of the Holy One of Israel, for he has glorified you [...] For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. “ Isaiah 55:1-5, 10-11.
A nation that you do not know. Ireland. Beautiful. Captivating. Complex. Shaped by a sorrowful history, as well as an enduring creativity, vigor, and ability to laugh. Wherein religion has been intertwined with abuse. Wherein the word ‘church’ in recent generations has failed to provide love and hope. With older generations plagued with guilt, and the majority of the younger being disillusioned and rejecting ‘faith’. Before I lived there, I ‘knew’ many things about Ireland that compelled me into life and ministry there. After arriving, I found out how much I did not know. No matter how much I learned about Irish culture… how many words I learned to use, how well I knew the layout of the Tesco where I bought my food, how closely I listened to and observed my Irish friends… I was foreign. I did not know how things worked or why they worked that way. I wanted to know people. But I quickly realized that relationships develop and function differently in Ireland than the way that I was used to. Realizing how little I understood, I felt out of my depth, and out of control. I felt desperate. Would I survive?! Would I be able to relate to people at all??
Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? The Lord spoke early and often to me through the year. Why did I feel the need to know things? Why was I so desperate to be in control? What are my relationships about, anyway? How powerful do I think I am?! Did I really think that it was up to me to make things happen in my relationships, or in peoples’ lives around me? Yes I really did. I began to see how my desire for relationships was more about me feeling good and being affirmed than about loving other people. Truly, my methods for finding life did not satisfy. I was incredibly insecure. I didn’t believe that God actually LOVES me, and I didn’t trust him. Consequently, I didn’t hope or trust that people would love me. In those early months, I was afraid to ask Him to show up, because I was terrified that He wouldn’t do it. I felt lost, vulnerable, and afraid.
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live; and I will make with you an everlasting covenant, my steadfast, sure love for David… I began to hear these promises and others from Scripture as if for the first time. I didn’t need to figure out or fix anything! He loves me! In fact, He loved me even when I was making a mess of things?! He has taken on the burden and consequences of all of my brokenness and sin, paid the cost, and loves me as if I had done nothing wrong. Forgiveness. Completeness. Safety. Freedom! The steadfast, sustaining presence of God. Rest. Soul- satisfying peace…Tastes of His goodness grew my confidence and hope. I began to believe that HE would actually work on my behalf and on behalf of those that I was growing in love for around me.
SO SHALL MY WORD BE THAT GOES OUT FROM MY MOUTH; IT SHALL NOT RETURN TO ME EMPTY, BUT IT SHALL ACCOMPLISH THAT WHICH I PURPOSE, AND SHALL SUCCEED IN THE THING FOR WHICH I SENT IT. The Lord accomplished so much this year. He gave me deep friendships (the very thing I feared I would not have!). One Irish friend was a talented, but shy and hesitant musician. My first summer, she was an intern on a 2 week outreach team that I helped to lead. On this team, we were exploring visual art and music as a means for worship and an avenue for relationships, and what difference it makes that God’s love frees us from fear of failure or condemnation. Though nervous, this friend stepped into her fear and performed publicly twice. During those weeks, she and I connected quickly and surprisingly deeply as friends, and stayed connected over the year. I got to watch and cheer as she began to spend more time writing songs and taking opportunities to perform publicly, her confidence and joy in playing growing all the time. Her music is beautiful. Heartfelt, honest, and hopeful. When I listen to her sing, I taste Jesus. Where will this path lead for her?? The Lord knows. This is one life in which change has been clear. Many of our summer interns, both Irish and American (17 students total in 2007 and 19 total in 2008) came away from the summer with a deeper understanding of God’s grace and the confidence and hope that is theirs in Christ. Together, we were able to serve Irish churches, Dun Laoghaire Presbyterian Church and the young church-plant in Trim being two examples! One of my favorite parts of this summer was getting to directly disciple one of our American students. I love discipling! I felt honored and so excited to have the opportunity to walk with her deeper into her questions and fears, and to see Jesus reveal Himself to her in new ways through the summer! Her faith came alive!!
There were other relationships in my life this year in which change was less clear. For example, I spent many awkward hours with the teenagers at Dun Laoghaire Presbyterian Church. Hanging out with them, I felt unsure and out of my depth most of the time. However, in our bi-weekly Bible study, I got to be there to listen and participate as Rachel led them in thinking about their lives and about who Jesus is. To this day, I do not know what difference it made that I was there. But I count it a privilege to have known and loved those kids. And even more so, to have labored for a time with Rachel in her desire that these kids know Jesus. It was and continues to be my desire that Rachel know she is not alone.
I also don’t know what will happen with the arts initiative that I was working on at my church. We experimented with a number of ideas, such as arts outings and attempting a regular space in our Saturday service for people to share something creative. No one was ready to decide on a specific ongoing agenda, and when I left, no one jumped at the chance to take over the position as lead instigator. Although I was tempted to be discouraged, I had to trust and remember that GOD brought all of these people together, HE will continue to work, AND programs form and function differently in Ireland. At the very least, the outings helped to grow a sense of community and connectedness through people discovering common interests. It also began to expose gifts that people have, and to give them an arena to express ideas and to get involved, which I think prepared some to step into gaps that were there when our Minister Andrew and his wife Tara left the church in June.
In the midst of it all, God gave me a life in Ireland that was very sweet. He put me in a church, and a house with a housemate that became home for me. He gave me a team that were my family. He gave me space to discover Himself and who He is making me to be. I love culture. Learning and adapting to Irish life was exhilarating. Experiencing God’s glory on the move there, I felt more alive than I ever have before. Indeed, I believe I am a missionary!
Becca Shirley is from Pennsylvania and is a graduate of University of Deleware ‘06. After many short term visists to the Dublin Prayer Conference, Becca interned with MAP’s summer program in 2005, joined the summer staff in 2006, and was an apprentice May 2007-August 2008.
